013_GOD'S CREATURES

I have two animals. A mother cat and daughter kitten. I am not afraid that they might have too much respect for »my Will« and forget their own. I mostly respect their will - and love doing it every time. My God is a servant of mankind, not a dictator.

He kisses the ground where we walk! He speaks about the respect he has for us, for the man, for Mankind, for all living creatures… I could speak for hours about how he feels for us, how sorry He is that only now He understands his Creation and how sorry He is that this didn't, couldn't, happen before. He understands us like I understand my kittens. In the beginning I didn't understand them. I only loved them. But loving them now is a different »loving« from the loving before! It is different, a deeper kind of loving them and it contains all kinds of contents and feelings… that weren't there before. 

There is no perfection!

Perfection doesn't exist.

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Well - my kittens are perfect!

They are perfect for me. I love them and I can't stop watching them. How beautiful they are. I tell them: you are my sweethearts, you are perfect! I don't need more perfection than I get from you.

They master everything. They know everything a momma cat should know for her life. Everything I never learned from my mother I learned from my cat. From mother cat and her daughter kitten. 

Must have been some strange coincidence when my cat decided to adopt me as her cub. Hormones? Mother instinct?

Absence of fear or simply feeling safe?

After she nursed her little one she would come to me while I was asleep and controlled my breathing! When I opened my eyes - she was there close to my face watching me… When she saw my eyes open – she was satisfied and she'd go about her business. 

She cared for me. She cared for me like I was her baby.

I never felt such an exquisite feeling of belonging before this happened. A lovely feeling that I was hers. She adopted me, showed me I was her baby. It was a gift, a compliment!

That's how I was receiving these sensations coming from her. They taught me a lot, my animals. But, I am not objective here, not objective at all when I say they are perfect.

They are perfect for me. Nobody demands perfection of me now. Nor do I ask it from the others.

My God doesn't demand it from me. And I don't demand it from Him. But still… My God is often saying: You are ALL mine and you are ALL perfect in my eyes…. and I (that's how My God describes Himself to me) I am not perfect, neither do I want to be perfect… Then I adopt Him and say to Him (like I often say to my kittens), but you ARE perfect! 
To me you are perfect. I am responsible for you!

And He knows what I mean.

012_A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH

It's been long since we were last afraid to be ashamed.
Then, we didn't mind anymore - we were old! We could be ashamed together.

God will give us new teeth I told her, don't be afraid!
She didn't believe me, not all the way anyway.

She usually smiled bitterly back to me when I said this, then pressed her body next to mine and kissed me on my lips.
She was a sad woman. She stopped believing in God. She didn't trust Him enough!
But she did trust me. And when she did – I was God to her! And she never was less than Goddess to me.

There was no one I would love more, respect more and belong to more than I loved and respected her.

I didn't remember my parents anymore. I was young when they were still alive and very small… I don't remember how they were solving their problems. I'm afraid I'll never know.

They must have been very much like me in some way…. in many ways. Like us, I am sure of it. In their desire, longing… I can tell by will and fear that's inside us.
How they were coping with their problems – I don't know! Nor how they saved themselves. I don't know that either. But what I do know is that whatever is in me once used to be inside them.
I was then part of my parents. And what used to be inside us – is now in our children, it is part of their lives.
This I am certain of!

There was something exclusive tho, mine and hers only! It belonged to the two of us - it's our OLD AGE.

Not to be unjust – maybe some of that belonged to God too.

He'll give us new teeth... you'll see!!!

011_WE DECORATE EACH OTHER'S GRAVE

We decorate each other graves! 
We bring flowers, we light the candles...

We embellish the graves; you embellish mine and I embellish yours.
We keep our graves clean, you and I, with both of us still alive!

You and I represent two ruins. 
Holding and supporting each other, leaning towards each other, depending on each other, hoping we won't perish, break down or collapse and fall into Nothing.

Where others see only debris, you and I experience all those who lived there, loved and hoped, loved and hated each other and themselves. They sometimes spoke the truth while hoped…. before they lost both.

They have worn out the House hoping!
But, as I said before: LIVED in it.

Now, we keep the stones together, you and I. Like we didn't know how to fix the building or want to.
But - we don't want to fix it!
We don't want to chase ghosts out of it. Who knows what we might be without them.

My Dear! Embrace my dead within me like I embrace your dead within you. All of them!

They are ours.

They need somebody to love them. Somebody has to love them!
Let's be their Father and Mother.